Monday, October 10, 2005

I don't even know where to begin - so, in the grand tradition of me not knowing exactly what course to take, I'll jump headlong in.

I read once that members of the British parliament are turning to Blogging as a way to connect to their young constituents. I figured that anything the British parliament is up for, I'm up for. Insofar as I don't have to call beer 'lager' or eat gooey cream with everything. My erstwhile buddy introduced me to her Blog about a year ago, and it seemed to me at the time to be grossly confessional.

I think I need a little confessin' now, though, so here I am.

As the inaugural post of what may end up chronicling a good chunk of my comings and goings, I wish I felt better today. As luck would have it, it kinda feels like someone has gone at my gut with an ice cream scoop. And I really wonder what set the mood in motion. Oh – and where to go for succor. I’ve been looking for comfort today, and rather cocking up the search. I feel so raw.

I took a shockingly late lunch (Linner? Dunch?), and spent it watching an Andalusian show at the Equestrian Center. So this is my latest fantasy -- to buy a pitch-black Andie with white socks and call it Foot Candles. Tee hee.

Sweet Rheanna is ditching the rote familial obligations to go to Thailand for Christmas. I’m not jealous – OK, well not too intensely – but I’ll have a gauntlet to run this holiday season and I’d rather just go with her. We’d wrap up in silks and play in the markets and eat too many noodle dishes and try to speak Thai. And learn things…about life, about how far we must go before something cracks to let experience in, about how little we really need to be really, truly human.

The simplicity of it is this: it’s been too long since I was in another context.

I’ve been listening to Ani today – as she's a veritable aural detox program for the soul, and I need such a thing at the moment. This verse of hers reminds me of life in L.A.:

"We live to hear the slack-jawed gasping/We live under a halo of hell-breath/And when the children raise up a shield of laughter/It's like they're fending off death/We can make something bigger than any one of us alone..."-- 'Freak Show'

…and ‘Both Hands’ wrung my heart out, like it always does. "Your bones have been my bedframe and your flesh has been my pillow"…sigh.

We’ll try again tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll perk up when my evening visitors arrive.

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