Tonight, I was overwhelmed by an oppressive, unnatural sense of anger and sadness, unquelled by alcohol and good company.
I found myself digging frantically for the roots of the feeling, trying to pull it up - and finding nothing. I wanted to ask them for help - make me stop feeling like this, please. Take the cruelty out of my voice. Stay my tongue. Empty my quiver. Hold my hand. But I was already chest-deep in it. All my wants turned black; all my wishes rusted. All I could remember was all I can not have.
If god has made me in its image, we are ruled by a restless and unmerciful god.