Tuesday, March 21, 2006

will i pay for who i've been? yeah.


I forget what the context was, but my dad once shared something with me that marked me deeply with the telling. "We're always alone," he said, "But we have to learn how to be alone without being lonely." We all have our tricks for this.

I don't know about you, but I never feel more alone than when I've been mulling and musing and tearing myself apart over something - when I've offended my dearloves much too much with the discussion of it, and the bellyaching has turned into an ulceric gnaw. When I finally realize that I'm the only one who can help me - which was true, all along, like ruby slippers pinching my feet and bringing up great big blisters on my heels.

There's something empty about the carefully constructed artifice of not-aloneness going slack in your hands with the repeating realization that, at the end of the day, you're it.

5 comments:

Aaron Weber said...

We all pay, one way or another. We allll pay.

Sarah said...

I use to debate the idea of loneliness all the time but I found that to dwell is to actually miss what is going on around you. Plus it takes me dangerously close to the edge of the cliff and I'm not in the mood to go there anymore.

At the same time the "ruby slippers" are in some ways my saving grace. It means that it's up to me, that it's my choice and for so long when my mind has told me I'm not in control to find out I am in control is very nice.

vv said...

My bellyaching turns into 5-day migraines. Obviously, I need to change some things, just wish it didn't take so long for the universe to align with my wishes.

Eric Snow said...

Come on update your blog allready. I'm missing my online Annette time.

Eric Snow said...

By the way I hope you know that you are definitely not alone. Ever. Whatever you need kid, I'm there.