Wednesday, December 27, 2006

and i don't feel any similarity


I'm feeling pretty good about this whole new-year thing.

There are regrets. Losses. Some trepidation - worries that may or may not be warranted. But holy crapazoid, has this been a year for the books.

I had a dream not long ago - a trippy, fractal sort of dream. I was watching the tree of my life's decisions grow. The roots of the tree, stretching into an infinity of underworldly blackness, were the decisions that conspired to create me; the point where the actual tree emerged, my birth; the first branch, my first independent decision. From there, the tree careened into the stratosphere - the strong lines of made decisions, big and small, dwarfed by the smoky phantoms of those that were possible, yet left unchosen.

This has been one of those years that really puts some growth on that tree, and I'm going to put some heavy fertilizer down for 2007.

I'm not much of a 'resolutions' girl - not, at least, on January 1. I like to make resolutions as they come up, and keep them on a closer deadline than the gaping expanse of an entire year. This year, however, I really feel like I'm looking at newness - the death of hiding, and an up-front facing of where I'm headed...literally.

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