Thursday, June 26, 2008

not the way i pictured


I had no way of knowing what lay ahead when I wrote my last post - a week alone in a Thai hospital, dragging an IV around when I had the strength to walk, thinking my way down a long, long, long list of subjects while I waited for the other side of the world to light up enough to place a phone call.

It was infuriating - and bitingly ironic - and just terrifying. There were moments of such abject pain and fear that I had to talk myself through them out loud; moments I literally had to hold my own hand.

But y'know what? I found myself under the rubble. And even now, sifting through what I learned, I'm beginning to see what a difference it made to face a lonely death by hemorrhage and then come home, miraculously safe, to my lover and my cat and my routine.

It all looks different - as different as a piece of paper looks when you're holding an uncapped Sharpie in your writing hand.

It looks good.

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